How to move to Italy

How to move to Italy: In 9 simple steps

Prepare
Start by booking as many connections as possible on the worst airline you can think of.

Step 1- Excess baggage
Pack two overweight, over-sized suitcases. This will not only grant you the joy of paying the second checked bag fee, but you will also get to experience the exhilaration of searching for a carry-on bag, to repack 15 pounds worth of shoes, less than one hour before your flight departs.

Step 2- Run 
Run fast.

Step 3- The layover 
Try to include a four hour layover in a city where you’d much rather be out of the airport. Bonus points if you’re stuck in a terminal with no cell service. Calm your nerves with carbs.

Step 4- The omen
Find the creepiest child possible and sit behind them. This will provide six hours of bone chilling, airplane hide-and-seek.

Step 5- Due diligence 

Don’t forget to make sure that your bags have been checked through to your final destination! Make sure to assume the competence of every airline employee with whom you come in contact, this will matter later on.

Step 6- Deodorant 
At some point, around hour twenty-one, you will start to smell. Your deodorant will be at the very bottom of your bag.

Step 7- The upchuck 
Take the window seat next to the little girl who is sleeping peacefully. Not to worry, she will soon wake up and proceed to vomit for the entire two-hour flight.

Step 8- Lost 

This is where step five matters. The airline will lose your luggage. It’s important that you’ve made no effort to learn Italian. That would move things along too easily. You will arrive at your hotel, discouraged and luggage-less. You'll need something to wear after your shower. Make use of that infinity scarf you carry around for no real reason.

Step 9- The hunger games 
If possible, try to arrive in Italy during a holiday. Bonus points if the city is abandoned.

Try finding food.

That's it. You're done. You've officially moved to Italy. Congratulations.